Donna Vande Kieft
Most of us are delighted to be retired and living in a wonderful community with caring neighbors and friends. We also carry within us the losses that have led us to this place and time in our history. We come out of the womb at birth tasked with the process of letting go of that which is comfortable and home. We spend the rest of our lives trying to hold on to the good things and letting go of the hurts and losses that are part of our gift of life.
It has been said that when we lose our parents, we lose our past. When we lose our spouse or partner, we lose our present. When we lose a child or grandchild, we lose our future. I have lost two spouses and became a hospice chaplain. That was my path for healing and understanding the pain of the world. Some think it a noble calling, but, trust me, teaching a room full of energetic and multi-talented 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders far exceeds the demands on hospice workers! We all have our gifts and thankfully use them in diverse and helpful service to humanity.
There is a grief group that has been attended by a small group of mostly widows. The community of the bereaved comes with a high admission—a loved one has died and those left behind have to find their way through a maze of changes, questions, paperwork, sadness, anger, guilt, living alone, and figuring out who they are now. It is a long process that goes on long after the memorial service is over.
Support groups are not for everyone. And they are not just sadness, doom, and gloom. We laugh often and share the crazy-making changes that come with a new normal. We hear and see each other and know that we are not alone, though our grief is unique and special as our loved ones were. A good support group is a place of healing, restoration, hope, sharing of helpful resources, safety. It is not about advice, platitudes, or assurance that everything will be okay. It is only about what the bereaved bring to the table. No one should ever face the greatest loss of their life alone. We are made to be burden bearers and joy sharers. Life is both sorrow and joy. Laughter and tears are two sides of the same coin. We need both. Grief looks a lot like love. It is bittersweet.
Quote from a participant: I would like to continue with the group. I met some good people, and they are going through the same situation I am. They are truly the ones who understand. Also, it is nice to have something for people going through this sometime in their future. I know how much it helped me.
The group is rethinking meeting time and place. Call for support/information: Susanne at 360–521-7862 or Donna at 425–423-9571.