Gary Chalk
We begin with the best of intentions. You get up from the dinner table and scrape the leftover lasagna into a Tupperware container. Over at the refrigerator, you finagle to sandwich it in with all the other Tupperware containers. We do this most nights of the week: rinse and repeat, or with Tupperware “burp and repeat.”
Let’s admit it. We have no intention of eating the leftovers. My wife Jan and I have a leftover macaroni casserole buried in our refrigerator since Y2K.
“Gary, what are we going to do with all the leftovers in the fridge?”
“Jan, to be clear, when you say leftovers are you referring to the leftover lasagna from last night? Or, do you mean the sliced turkey with mashed potatoes, dressing, and cranberry sauce that has been there since Thanksgiving? The lasagna is leftover. The turkey is leftover leftovers. Understand?”
I meet up with a group of guys for coffee, so I decided to toss out leftovers as food for thought. There are six of us, all Living Retired. First, we go around the table, each of us updating what’s happened since we last met.
“Hey! I had a good visit with the urologist last week. My PSA is moving in the right direction!”
“Good for you. My peeing in the middle of the night took a nosedive last week when I got up and tripped over the decorator pillows.”
“Ahh come on, your knee pain cannot be as bad as mine.”
“Guys I have some good news this week. The date for my cataract surgery has been set.”
“I have good news as well. I went to Costco for new glasses last week.”
“I must have missed you, I was checking out their hearing aids.”
Finally, I put my topic on the table: leftovers.
I told my tablemates about Paul in Phoenix, Ariz., who reads Living Retired. He wrote, “Gary, I sometimes think it would be cheaper for me to cook up a hot fresh meal and then just walk over to the kitchen and dump it straight into the trash! It seems more efficient, and we could have more room available in the refrigerator for critical items like baking soda, sauerkraut, and eggnog from holidays past!” Our table erupted, “Cheers to Paul!”
I also mentioned another Living Retired reader in Chandler, Ariz. Stan sent me a photograph of his Tupperware cupboard. It was organized, spotless! Like they say, you could eat off it!
Rob was first up…
“Gary, when I was a kid, my mother boiled a pot of potatoes for dinner. Every night! I don’t care if I ever have another boiled potato, especially leftovers!”
“I hear you, Rob. For me it was canned cream corn. Yuck!”
Chuck didn’t hold back. “For Sunday evening dinner my mother prepared a burnt offering: rump roast! Dad would say a prayer of thanks for the meal we were about to share, and whisper thanks to mom for pounding the farts out of the rump roast!”
Leftover pizza is one food that we all agreed tastes great the next morning. Chris said that’s why he orders two pizzas, one for supper and the other for leftovers. “But I scarf down both pizzas at dinner.”
Our dinner ended. We agreed at our next get-together we will discuss if any of us has ripped the “New Material Only” tag off our memory foam mattress.
“Living Retired” is written by humor columnist Gary Chalk.